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My Top Tips To Remain Calm

Updated: Jul 20, 2023

## Introduction

Hello there! Ever feel like you're spinning plates, constantly juggling a myriad of thoughts, feelings and reactions? You're not alone! We all seek the secret sauce to balance life's challenges. This blog is here to share with you some easy-to-apply tips and strategies to help you navigate the ebbs and flows of life with grace and resilience. Ready to get started?

## 1. Pause Before You Act

Often, we act impulsively when emotions run high. But what if, in those moments, we took a beat to breathe and think things through? This idea of pausing before reacting can bring clarity and perspective. It reminds me of my mum's wise words, "There's a time and place for everything". This wisdom is particularly relevant when, for instance, your partner has had a challenging day. Is that really the best time to delve into a complex issue?

This 'pause before you act' philosophy is not solely applicable in heated situations, though. It's a valuable life skill that can significantly improve your decision-making in various aspects of life. For example, suppose you're on the brink of sending an emotionally-charged email or making a significant life decision. In that case, the metaphorical pause button could save you from potential conflicts and regret.

Pausing allows us to evaluate our actions' potential impacts, align our behaviour with our core values, and even develop empathy for the others involved. So, let's reflect a bit - can you recall an instance where a brief pause might have changed the outcome? The more you apply this tactic, the more it will become an instinctive part of your decision-making process, leading to more favourable results.

## 2. Speak Up If You're Hurt

Open and honest communication is a cornerstone of strong relationships. When someone's words or actions upset you, it's crucial to convey your feelings in a respectful manner. It might seem challenging, but it's far healthier than allowing those emotions to fester. You might say, "What you said hurt my feelings. Please don't do that again." Such a simple sentence expressed sincerely, can prevent a small misunderstanding from turning into lingering resentment. Reflect for a moment - have you ever held back from expressing your feelings, and how did it affect your relationship with the other person?

When we communicate our feelings assertively, we're not just making our feelings known, we're also setting boundaries. These boundaries communicate to others what we find acceptable and what we do not. Expressing our feelings is a form of self-care; it affirms our self-worth and prevents others from taking advantage of our kindness. It might seem daunting at first, but with practice, it can become a natural and integral part of our communication style. Can you recall an instance where asserting your feelings and setting boundaries improved a situation?

However, expressing your feelings assertively should always come with a level of emotional intelligence. It's about understanding the right time, place, and way to convey your thoughts, ensuring you're heard without causing undue tension. Remember, tone and approach can make a significant difference. It's not just about what you say, but how you say it. Be sure to choose a time when the person you're communicating with is open to discussion, and express your feelings without blame or accusation. Have you noticed how different your conversations can be when approached with emotional intelligence? This practice, combined with assertiveness, can bring about positive change in our relationships.

## 3. Learn Your Triggers

Understanding your triggers is an essential step towards gaining control over your reactions and emotions. These triggers could be certain behaviours, words, or situations that stir up negative emotions within you. Once you're aware of what these triggers are, you can devise strategies to manage them. You might find that certain comments irk you or particular situations make you feel uncomfortable. Awareness is the first step towards change, so start by identifying these. Can you think of a few triggers off the top of your head?

Managing your triggers, once identified, can take various forms. One time-tested technique is the counting-to-ten trick, a strategy I've found incredibly useful while parenting my son, Kris. When you feel your emotions beginning to escalate, mentally stepping back and counting to ten gives you a chance to calm down and think rationally. It's a simple tool that can help diffuse tension and promote a more thoughtful response. So, how do you currently manage your triggers? Could this technique be helpful in your life?

Remember, understanding and managing your triggers is a journey, not a destination. Over time, you might discover new triggers or find that old ones no longer affect you the same way. That's perfectly normal. The key is to stay mindful and patient with yourself, continuously adapting your strategies as needed. And don't forget, it's okay to seek help. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or professional can provide valuable insight and support. Have you ever discussed your triggers with someone else, and did it help you in managing them better?

## 4. Maintain Composure

Maintaining your composure during life's ups and downs can sometimes feel like a Herculean task. Yet, there's great power in outwardly projecting an aura of calmness, even when the storm rages inside. You may be familiar with the saying, "Fake it till you make it." And while it's essential to acknowledge and process your feelings, adopting a calm exterior can often lead to a calmer interior. You might surprise yourself with how much you can handle when you adopt the mantra, "I can cope". Can you remember a time when just keeping calm helped you navigate a challenging situation?

Next, it's important to remember that you're not alone in your journey. We often tend to isolate ourselves when we're stressed or overwhelmed. However, opening up to loved ones and seeking their support can alleviate some of that burden. They can provide perspective, offer advice, or just lend a listening ear - all of which can have a profoundly positive impact. In moments of strife, have you reached out to someone for support? How did that help your situation?

Lastly, it's essential to remind ourselves that maintaining composure doesn't mean suppressing emotions. It's about managing them in a healthy way, not letting them control our actions. That might involve venting to a trusted friend, journaling, or practicing mindfulness exercises like meditation or deep breathing. After all, maintaining composure is less about seeming unruffled and more about staying true to ourselves and our emotional wellbeing. So, what strategies do you currently use to keep your cool in stressful situations? Are there new ones you'd like to try?

## 5. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Life is filled with a multitude of minor annoyances that, if allowed, can take up significant mental real estate. The pile of dishes in the sink, the laundry that seems to regenerate overnight, the unending traffic on your daily commute - they can all chip away at your peace of mind, one tiny irritation at a time. But should they really have that power? Weighing these everyday frustrations against the grand scheme of life, they start to look pretty insignificant, don't they? So how do you usually react to these small frustrations? Is it time to reassess their true importance?

Next, let's consider the valuable skill of discernment. The ability to distinguish between small, trivial matters and significant, life-altering issues is essential for maintaining balance and tranquillity in our lives. Think of it as your internal filtering system that categorises issues into 'small stuff' and 'big stuff'. This system can help you determine where to invest your emotional energy wisely. Imagine focusing your time and energy on building relationships, advancing in your career, or nurturing your personal growth instead of worrying about that ever-growing pile of laundry. Isn't that a much better use of your time? How do you usually differentiate between the small and the big stuff in your life?

Finally, embracing the art of 'letting go' can be transformative. This doesn't mean ignoring problems or responsibilities; rather, it's about recognising what's truly worth your time and emotional energy. When we learn to let go of the little things that don't matter, we free up space for the things that do - our health, relationships, passions, and personal growth. And in doing so, we create an environment of peace and reduce stress. So, do you remember a recent situation where letting go of a small issue made a significant positive impact on your day? As you move forward, how will you apply this perspective to other 'small stuff' in your life?

## 6. Take Deep Breaths

Breathing: it's so natural and automatic that most of the time, we don't give it a second thought. Yet, this simple act holds an impressive power that often goes untapped. Deep, deliberate breathing is more than just a yogi's mantra - it's a scientifically backed method for reducing stress and promoting relaxation. And who doesn't need a bit of calm in their hectic life? Deep, full breaths increase oxygen supply to the brain, promoting clarity of thought and overall calmness. So, when was the last time you really took a moment to focus on your breathing? Was it during a stressful event, or do you routinely incorporate it into your daily activities?

As with any tool, proper usage is key. While deep breathing is beneficial, hyperventilating can have the opposite effect, causing anxiety and light-headedness. The key is to breathe deeply and slowly, filling your lungs with fresh air, and then letting it out in a steady, controlled manner. It's almost like blowing up a balloon and then slowly letting the air out - simple, yet effective. So, what's your usual breathing pattern like when you're stressed? Fast and shallow or deep and steady? Next time you're feeling overwhelmed, why not take a moment to focus on your breath?

Lastly, remember that the beauty of this stress-busting technique is its accessibility. Whether you're in a bustling supermarket, stuck in traffic, or just having a challenging day at work, deep breathing can be your silent refuge. It's like a secret superpower that's always at your disposal, ready to clear your mind and bring a sense of calm. So, moving forward, how do you see yourself using this technique? Remember, it's not about waiting until you're stressed out to start breathing deeply. By integrating this practice into your daily routine, you can foster a continual state of relaxation and preparedness. So, how about taking a deep, calming breath right now?

## 7. Check in With Your Heart

Taking a moment to check in with your heart can be the most profound act of self-care. It's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of life, reacting to situations, and doing what's expected. But beneath all that noise, your heart holds the key to your truth. Being honest with yourself about your feelings and reactions to situations is a crucial step towards self-awareness and authenticity. And it's not about grand moments of revelation but about the everyday check-ins that keep us aligned with our emotional state. Think about it, can you recall a time when pausing to tune in with your heart helped you make a decision, big or small?

The beauty of this heart-centred approach is that it can help navigate situations that may not feel right intuitively. Often we encounter circumstances that, on the surface, seem reasonable or 'normal', but there's a gnawing feeling within that something's amiss. That's your heart's way of guiding you. Having the courage to step back from these situations, to admit that something doesn't sit well with you, can save you from unnecessary stress and complications. And yes, your heart might race at the thought of challenging the status quo or stepping into the unknown. But ask yourself, aren't your peace and integrity worth that temporary discomfort?

Indeed, taking the time to check in with your heart is about more than just making decisions; it's a pathway to living a more authentic and satisfying life. It invites you to remove any masks you've been wearing and express your feelings transparently. This vulnerability may feel challenging at first, but over time it becomes empowering, reinforcing your sense of self and fostering genuine connections with others. Reflect on this, how often do you genuinely express your feelings? Are there areas in your life where you could be more open about your emotions? Remember, your heart knows things that your mind can't explain, so make a habit of checking in with it regularly.

## 8. Think Before You Speak

We've all been there: a heated moment, words on the tip of our tongue, ready to fire off like rockets. But what if we paused, drew a breath, and considered our words before speaking them out loud? "Think before you speak," a straightforward yet powerful mantra that can transform our interactions. Reflect on this: are there instances in your life where a more measured response could have avoided misunderstandings and hurt feelings?

Applying this principle can have profound effects on our relationships. Picture this: you're in the middle of a dispute, tensions are running high, and an unkind retort is all set to escape your lips. But instead, you take a moment, calm your emotions, and choose words that communicate your feelings without attacking the other person. The result? A shift from a potentially explosive argument to a constructive dialogue. Think about it, have you ever experienced this transformation in your conversations?

Of course, mastering this principle takes time and practice, but the rewards are well worth it. Thoughtful communication nurtures trust, understanding, and respect in our relationships, whether personal or professional. It allows us to express our thoughts and feelings effectively, without causing unnecessary harm or conflict. So, take a moment to reflect on your own communication habits. Are there areas where you could be more considerate with your words? Remember, the power of our speech lies not in the volume of our words, but in their meaning and delivery.

## 9. Are You a Positive Person?

What's your default outlook on life: positive or negative? As humans, we have a tendency to perceive situations through our personal lens of experiences and beliefs. However, being a 'positive person' isn't about ignoring life's hardships. It's about facing them head-on, but with an attitude that favours solution-seeking and resilience. Ask yourself: how do you usually respond to setbacks or challenges? Do you focus on the problem, or are you quick to look for potential solutions?

Now, let's tackle the tricky situations that seem overwhelmingly negative. Here's a strategy: try breaking them down into smaller, more manageable chunks. Take a step back, remove any emotional responses, and see the issue for what it truly is - a problem that requires a solution. Can you think of a situation where adopting this method could change your perspective? Perhaps a work challenge or a personal dilemma?

Remember, shifting from a 'half-empty' to a 'half-full' mindset is a process and not an overnight change. The journey is about self-awareness, recognising your patterns of thought, and actively choosing to view things differently. Encouragingly, with practice, you'll find that this constructive approach spills over into all aspects of your life, providing a balanced and optimistic outlook. So, why not start today? After all, aren't we all just a work-in-progress towards becoming the best version of ourselves?

## Conclusion

Navigating through life’s ups and downs can be challenging, but with the right mindset and tools, it can become a journey of self-discovery and growth. Whether it’s pausing before reacting, expressing your feelings assertively, understanding your triggers, maintaining composure, not sweating the small stuff, deep breathing, checking in with your heart, thinking before speaking or embracing positivity - these strategies offer a roadmap to a more mindful and peaceful life.

Remember, it’s okay to stumble, to reassess, and to grow along the way. We are all human, after all. What matters is that we learn, adapt, and strive to be better versions of ourselves. Can you think of any experiences where you've used these strategies? How did they impact your outcome?

Take a moment, reflect on these points, and see how you can incorporate them into your daily life. You might be surprised at the transformation that occurs when you embrace this journey. After all, isn't life all about learning, evolving, and blooming into the best version of ourselves? Happy exploring!

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