Updated: Jun 28, 2019
1. Think before you act. Putting your brain in gear before engaging in a verbal assault will help you prevent any escalation and keep the situation under control. Not starting into a serious debate, when you other half has had a bad day. Read people’s emotions and try to act accordingly. It’s not always important to flag your agenda. My Mum’s word – ‘There is a time and a place for everything. With your Dad, it is just not now”. How this advice resonates with me now (particularly that I am older and married a few years ).
2. If someone hurts you, let him or her know it. Don’t be passive aggressive. Simply say, “What you said hurt my feelings. Please don’t do that again.” Best in a polite manner- never in a condescending one- this never works and gives you wrinkles, grey hairs and potential divorce in the morning.
3. Learn about your triggers and avoid them. The old counting-to-ten trick works. If you’ve never tried it, I suggest you give it a shot. Kris – my lovely son – I have to count to five and usually by four he stops what he is doing. Kids are great but believe or not - I do not want to be screaming at him all the time - so counting has become a way of life / sanity / minus corporal punishment.
4. Pretend you’re above it all. I can cope, yes I can cope – might not feel in on the inside but I can remain calm (I hope) and will get through this. Probably until I get home. Then plan an escape route out. Or a list, it's usually better. Look at what you have coped with in the past. You will have to skill you just need to find a way to deal with it. Family and friends are usually a good start - so talk to them and very importantly, listen to them!
5. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Birth and death are the only two big things in life. Everything else is not worth getting your knickers in a twist. Small stuff is that – small stuff. Like stinky laundry, it can get sorted tomorrow. Learning to let go will help you to live longer. Might make it to 80. My Granny go to 86 and she loved cats just like me. Great wee woman. She always told me - to be just yourself - and its so true. Value who you are!
6. Take a few deep breaths. Inhale, exhale a few times and then. Breathe slowly and be sure not to hyperventilate. If you get really upset, breathe into a paper bag (not plastic, please it is too dangerous – don’t want a fatality). Forcing fresh air into your lungs sends oxygen to your heart and brain and acts as a calming agent.
7. Check in with your heart. Asking yourself if this is truly where you want to be, and how you want to feel or act toward another person. If you are struggling, excuse yourself and walk away. If you need to tell them something, remove the cloak and dagger and just tell them very clearly how you feel. Heart might race but it will calm down once you have said what you have needed to say. Some situations are not worth a coronary.
8. Think before you speak. This I can do, to the frustrations of my husband. He complains that he can never have a proper argument with me – apparently I make him think too much during an argument.
9. Ask yourself, “Am I a positive person or a negative person? How do you project yourself to other people? Are you a person who - "Is the glass half empty or half full?" have you ever wondered why you respond to situation in such away. I am definitely more of a positive person but I do have a realistic outlook out on life. i know from personal experience that life does deal you some though blows but it is your perception at the time on how you will deal with it. If you find it hard to put a positive stance on something, strip it back to it's bear bones. Look at the stages that are involved and put your own solutions into actions respond rather than react. Screaming and yelling rarely get you too far. So instead relish opportunities when they come around. Don't be so quick to dismiss something. Instead, analyse, create steps , review and apply them in your life. So when you do see an opportunity, don’t knock it down but rather look at it and see how it can benefit you and then take action. Seriously, take it and run!